So today I crashed.

I felt crushed under the weight of all the burdens I’ve been carrying. The feeling of overwhelm and failure washed heavy upon me today. 

I just got tired of holding it in.  As my smile faded, the tears began to stream down my face. 

“Lord” I said. “I’m exhausted.  I feel that I have gone soooo far ahead of you.  I’m trying to run this race alone and I’m just done.  I surrender. I give up.”

When you’ve done all you can do then isn’t time to just give up? But today I just gave up on my own efforts to figure it all out.  Today I gave myself a chance to just be and feel the pain of failure. Have you ever been there?

You see I know God holds me and my future and  when I run ahead of him as I so often do, He just waits patiently until I crash, as I eventually will.  Then, He gently leads me back to Him, even though, like an impatient child, I so often fail to listen.  He gently loves me, even though I don’t love him back.  He blesses and cares for me, even though I am selfish and don’t do the same for others.  

But. He knows.

He knows the moment will eventually manifest when I will crash.  I will lay on my bed sobbing empty and poured out before him. Just like I did today.

God says to me,  “Jennifer, I never called you to do all the things you are trying so desperately in your own strength to do.  I’ve just called you to myself.  Let me fill you.  Drink from the well that never runs dry.”

So, here I am Lord … broken, empty and poured out before you.

My empty pail descends slowly into the well. The well where God resides.  The well of my fulfillment. The well of my peace.  The well of deep and abiding love.  I drink until I have become full. Sooner or later I will realize that I have to come daily, so I don’t end up a heap of tears on the road to overwhelm. 

How about you? Have you been down this road? Are you on this road now? How often do you let down your empty pail and take a drink from the well?

The well that never runs dry.